


Breath in Flowers

by BraveHarryHart



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: (:, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, Harry never died because we dont like that, I'll add a second ending though, M/M, Not Britpicked, Oblivious Harry, Pining Eggsy Unwin, Unrequited Love, because Harry has the emotional awareness of a brick, but not actually, how do people tag these things wtf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 02:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BraveHarryHart/pseuds/BraveHarryHart
Summary: Hanahaki Syndrome: A Semi-Psychosomatic syndrome stemmed from unrequited love from one’s soulmate. The Victim will cough up flower petals which bloom within the lungs, and thus coughed out. The condition, if left alone, will eventually lead to the Victim suffocating on the flower petals. There is currently no medical cure.[Edit 10/28/2020]: Editing every chapter right now to try and motivate myself to finish this darn thing!
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Roxy Morton | Lancelot & Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd !!! AND I CAN'T WRITE !!!
> 
> my Tumblr is Harryunwinftw if you wanna fangirl over hartwin papa bless

Gary “Eggsy” Unwin was barely nine years old, when he held his mother’s hand during her best friend’s funeral. He did his best to put on a brave face, he knew he had to be strong for his mom.

\---

Ms. Bailey was his mom’s best friend, but she was his best friend too. Eggsy always enjoyed her visits when his mum would have to work odd hours at the diner across town. Auntie Bailey would always read to him fantastical fairy tales of love and heroism, courage and humility. She would do the silly over-the-top voices with gusto and excitement, as if the stories she read to him were for her rather than for Eggsy. If he was particularly well behaved and polite, and if Auntie Bailey had a certain craving, they’d mischievously share a pint of cookie dough ice cream and hide the evidence with no word to Michelle. 

Suffice to say, Aunt Bailey really was Eggsy’s best friend.

A couple of months passed after first meeting her and Auntie Bailey seemed to grow tired. It didn’t show through a lack of Eggsy’s caretaking by any means, but Eggsy noticed the tiny things. Her smiles didn’t seem to reach her eyes any more, the crow's feet that crinkled with joy at the corners of her eyes didn’t appear quite as often. She seemed tired, and developed the habit of always having a handkerchief nearby, she had quite the cough- Eggsy believed her to have some type of virus, it was normal to be tired while you’re sick, right? He was even more grateful that Auntie Bailey came to babysit anyways. 

\---

“Hey, mum?” He asked quietly, confusion apparent in his face through the furrow of his brows and his gaze which seemed fixated on what was in the area - or what wasn’t. Eggsy had only been to one other funeral before, for his dad. All he remembered were the white lilies and daisies that were scattered around the area. “Aren’t there supposed to be flowers at funerals?” 

It quickly became clear that that was the wrong question to ask, the only response he received was a choked off sob and a bruising hug from his mother as she kneeled down and held him as tightly as she could, his head tucked against her beating heart. “We’ll talk at home, luv,” she said with a shaky voice, and that was all Eggsy got.

When the two Unwins made it to their tiny-but-homely apartment after the funeral proceedings, Michelle took it upon herself to sit her and her precious baby boy down. She saw the confusion in his expression but couldn’t bring herself to explain it then and there.

They were both dressed down in their pajamas: Michelle in a plain light blue cotton top with matching bottoms, Eggsy in black pajama shorts and an oversized worn-down black shirt that once belonged to his dad.

“Remember when I told you about soul bonds and how they’re super duper important?” She asked, her arms wrapped lovingly around Eggsy who sat next to her, his legs drawn across hers so she would be able to pull him close. 

“You mean when two people are meant to be together?” Eggsy tried to grasp at memories of the lecture that seemed to have been given years ago, “Like you and dad..” He said warily, knowing that his dad was a difficult subject, moreso for his mom. Everytime he brought up his dad, Michelle’s mood would always feel _ off  _ for the rest of the day.

“Yes, my sweet Eggsy, like me and your father.” She sighed wistfully, taking one hand to stroke Eggsy’s cheek. She pressed her lips against the crown of his head and let them stay as she spoke, “The universe would split one being in half, creating the soul bond where two people are meant for each other.” She whispered, now resting her cheek against the fluffy blonde hair. “But sometimes, the bond gets twisted, one person might not like the other.”

“But they’re soulmates, they’re supposed to be made for eachother?” Eggsy questioned, not quite grasping the mere idea of soulmates not liking one another. He leaned into his mother, resting his head against her shoulder, Michelle leaning back so they were truly comfortably situated on the couch.

“The universe is odd that way,” Michelle sighed, “But in some cases, a person will find their bonded one, but their bonded one won’t return the same feelings.” Eggsy could feel his mom start to shake now, and as he pulled back and looked up, he saw her on the verge of tears.

“Is that what happened with Ms. Bailey?” He asked quietly, his own heart clenched at the sight of his mom trying to keep her tears at bay. 

“Remember when you asked why there were no flowers?” Eggsy responded with a silent nod, his curiosity piqued, “The person who isn’t loved back within a bond starts getting really sick..” Michelle could only trust herself to stick with dumbed down explanations, to save herself some grief yet still get her idea across, “And they would start coughing out flower petals.. Ms. Bailey’s body started making too many petals and she couldn’t breath.” All of this was whispered, as if it was taboo to speak of it, as if it was common knowledge that couldn’t be spoken aloud. 

Eggsy could only sit there and let his mother cry it all out, knowing that she and Ms. Bailey had been the bestest of friends since before he was born. So, he returned his head against his mom’s neck and let her mourn and grieve for as long as she needed.

_ I hope my soulmate likes me back, _ was all Eggsy could think about at that moment.

***************************************

“My name is Harry Hart, and I gave you that medal.”

***************************************

After the events of V-Day, the Kingsman agency quickly pulled itself together. 

“Nice work,” Merlin’s voice came to life through the frames of Eggsy’s glasses, “I’ll have some more planes sent over to retrieve all of the captives and have them sent home. According to my system, all doors are able to be opened from the outside now with the master code I’ve just sent to ye.”

“All in a day's work, Merlin.” Eggsy cheeked off, the lasting bits of adrenaline still buzzing underneath his skin.

“..How are ye holding up?” Merlin asked quietly as Eggsy walked through the halls, directing people to the airstrip where Merlin would have planes at the ready.

Eggsy’s movements faltered for a split second, the memories of Kentucky still a fresh wound to him. Flashes of a single earpiercing gunshot and a gut wrenching sob of  _ Harry! _ Raging like demented bells in his head. “I’ll get there.. You?”

“Same here, kid,” Merlin sighed into the comms, leaning back into his chair as he gazed at the interface that transmitted the direct feed from Eggsy’s glasses. “Lancelot and Percival will arrive in 10 minutes, then you’re free for extraction. You’ve done enough today.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.” Eggsy faked a 2 finger salute before hearing the static of the comms die down in his ear. 

After brainlessly opening 20-something doors and kindly directing all captives to extraction, Eggsy was ready to hang up the coat and let Roxy deal with the rest. “Just one more and I’ll dip,” he tiredly muttered to himself.

Typing in the code and pushing the door open, Eggsy immediately gestured down the hallway for the last captive to see, the movements and polite instructions second-nature after doing the same gestures for the past hour. “If you could please head down the hall and take the first right towards the hangar, my team there will help get you home as soon as possible.”

He glanced over to the inside of the room, wondering if he was talking to a bunch of nothing but it was a bit more than nothing- In the middle of the cell was Harry Hart in all of his glory, still fitted in the suit he adorned at the church but with a bandage fitted around his head and over his right eye. But nonetheless, Harry Hart was right in front of him. Not dead-

“Have you forgotten about me already?” Eggsy felt a cold rush roll down his body, a strange weight bearing down in the center of his chest. Are the effects of Kentucky already kicking in and making him see stranger things? 

He watched Harry get shot.

He watched Harry fall.

He didn’t watch Harry get back up.

He’s watching Harry walk straight to him.

“Is this the proverbial ‘cat got your tongue’?” Harry chuckled as he reached forward to rest his hand on Eggsy’s shoulder, giving him a light squeeze to assure him that he’s there. That he’s well and alive, or- as well as he could be with a missing eye.

Eggsy felt grounded with Harry’s hand on his shoulder, proving to him that he was, in fact, not a ghost. And as his brain finally realized that this was not a dream, Eggsy sobbed out and gut-wreching, “ _ Harry!” _ as he lurched forward and closed the dismal distance between them. His arms wrapped tightly around Harry as he pressed his face into Harry’s chest. His fingers dug into the back of the bespoke jacket in fear of having the man slip right through his fingers again.

“My dear boy..” Harry whispered apologetically as his arms wrapped around Eggsy’s shaking body.

“I thought you was dead, you _fucking_ _prick_ ,” Eggsy hissed into Harry’s chest, unable to stop the fat stream of tears from rolling down his face. Harry was the one person who fully believed in him, who gave him a chance to do something better with his life. 

Harry gave him a life that he wanted to live.

After realizing that he truly has Harry back in his arms, a truly terrifying thought came to his mind. Another cold shiver wracked through his body but for a completely different reason.

_ I don’t want to imagine a future without Harry _ .


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S CHAPTER 2, KIDDIES  
> Any constructive criticism is well appreciated because this is all unbeta'd  
> Where am I going with this?
> 
> ? :)

Eggsy falls in the simplest of ways. He falls when the light hits Harry just right, smoothing out all past worries and stress away on his features and lighting his eyes like Christmas day. 

It’s in the modest yet intimate smiles that’s for, and only for, Eggsy.

It’s in the scent that seeps into any place that Harry frequents, sandalwood blended with a mention of vanilla. To Eggsy, it’s one of the most comforting scents he had the chance of experiencing. Oddly enough, it smelled like home, it brought him safety and comfort that he wouldn’t dare trade for anything else. 

In the rare instances when he’s in Harry’s arms, whether because he’s bleeding out or because he leaps onto the other’s back as a surprise attack ( _ “I gotta keep you on your toes, Harry! The Arthur desk job is slowin’ ya down!” _ ) he always finds himself reluctant to let go. 

It’s in the awkward gaze they share when Merlin is ripping them a new one for wreaking havoc during missions, even more so for Harry since he’s Arthur and therefore supposed to be the ‘responsible one’.

“Perhaps if you waited for extraction which was, quite literally, a minute away, Merlin wouldn’t have found a need to scold us like school children.” Harry scolded with no real bite in his voice. Eggsy was laying on the couch, his legs dangling over the armrest so Harry would have his space seated at the other end of the couch.

“Aw, c’mon, bruv, I know you love me, you don’t have to hide it,” Eggsy laughed as he wriggled along the couch, careful not to aggravate the patched-up gunshot wound on his upper thigh. He kept wriggling up like an oversized snake until his head was comfortably nestled on Harry’s lap, his eyes peering up at the files in Harry’s hand.

“I have half a mind to fire you, Eggsy,” Harry sighed and swatted away Eggsy’s hands that went to angle the file downwards so he could see what the esteemed Arthur was looking at, “Stop it, you insufferable child, these are classified.” Harry  _ smack smack smack _ -ed Eggsy’s curious hands away from the papers, “Christ, you’re just another puppy, aren't you?” An easy-going smile found its home on Harry’s face as he tossed the files onto the coffee table across from him and sat back, looking down at Eggsy with an inquisitive eyebrow raised.

Eggsy was paralyzed in the sweetest way, pinned like one of Harry’s prized butterflies through his gaze. It was moments like these that Eggsy had half a mind to believe that Harry Hart might be his one and only soulmate.

***************************************

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something a soulmate would say.”

“ _ Rox, _ he’s just a good role model, is all.” Eggsy tried to justify, curled up on Roxy’s couch in her flat. “Wouldn’t it be weird if I  _ wasn’t _ comfortable around him?” He muttered around a mouthful of cookie dough ice cream, the pint hugged close to his body. Both of them were clad in pajamas, enjoying their quiet night in that they have the luxury to enjoy, once in a blue moon.

“Percival is a good role model, Eggsy,” she sighed, leaning her back against Eggsy’s side, her legs tucked up with her lap occupied with a Kingsman-issued laptop, “But I don’t look at him like he hung the stars-”

“I do  _ not _ look at him like that, you’re just makin’ shit up now,” he lightly kicked her with his foot, “Besides, we’re both adults here, if he’s uncomfortable with anything then he can let me know, yeah?” He nodded to himself, satisfied with his ‘adulting’ mindset. 

They both enjoyed a minute of comfortable silence until - 

“Do you know that you puff up your chest like a proud bird when he compliments you -“

“Rox, I  _ absolutely _ do  _ NOT -” _

***************************************

“You’re staring,” Roxy muttered over her lunch in the cafeteria ( _ ‘For the nth time, Eggsy, it’s a dining room, not a bloody cafeteria’).  _

“Am not,” Eggsy pouted, his chin resting on his palm with his gaze fixated across the room on Harry who seemed a bit preoccupied, talking to Merlin over a cup of cold tea and untouched pastries.

After their gossipy sleepover, Eggsy had a bit to think about. There were no shared marks or tangible happenings that would signify the meeting of a soulmate. If there were, it would make things so much easier, but life has a habit of being difficult. His mom said that when she was with Lee, it was like she was finally home and at peace. But couldn’t two people love each other but not be soulmates? 

Soulmates- what an odd concept.

“You’ve been pining after Har-”

“ _ I’m not pin-  _ Did you just slap me with a slab of turkey?? _ ”  _ He yelped, his face contorted with disgust as he felt the oily grease seep into his cheek, hurriedly reaching for a napkin at the tableside and wiping down his face. We don’t need acne here, kids.

“Listen to me, you knob,” Roxy sighed, plopping down the sad rubbery excuse for turkey breast onto her plate. “How about you tell him? You said so yourself ‘ _ we’re all adults here he can talk to me if he’s uncomfortable’ _ \- “

“You need to work on your impersonation, luv,” Eggsy all but laughed but immediately quieted down like a scolded child as Roxy reached for her plate of inedibles again.

“As I was  _ saying,  _ be an adult and talk to him. If you guys are soulmates, he’ll like you back.” She said matter-of-factly, leaning back into her chair and shrugging, wiping her hands with a napkin. “If not, well at least you know your soulmate is still out there waiting for ya, yeah?”

Eggsy’s eyes widened as if the thought had somehow never crossed his mind, “You’re a genius, Rox!” He hopped up out of his side and leaned over the table to plant a fat kiss to her cheek in thanks and skedaddled away, leaving Roxy with her disgusted pout as she wiped down the side of her face. 

***************************************

Eggsy all but ran through the Kingsman headquarters, the cogs in his mind already going at maximum capacity as he thought about how he would confess to Harry. There was no doubt in his mind that Harry would be the one, their minds are one and the same! Essentially cuddling on the couch and the lingering touches, those must be obvious signs! 

As Eggsy sat in the tube that was darting him back to Saville Row, he made a mental checklist of what he was going to do-

“It’s 5 pm and Harry should be getting home around 8..” He mused out loud, lightly scratching his cheek in thought, “I’ll make him dinner and I’ll tell him over dessert.” Eggsy said decisively, nodding in his own affirmation. 

This was a fool-proof plan, because as the saying goes:

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t̫͖͇̟̲̖̘h̨̘e̷͕̱̟̘͇̲͚͐́̎ ̫͙̓̔ͅt̵̥̦͈̭̩i̺͑ͨ̅ͫ̿̚m͓̓̑̈́͌̚͞ė̹̦ͬ̇͂ ͣ̆̓ͮ̚͝t̗͚̙͈ͩͫͯ͑o̘̮͙̫ͬ̽̈̇ͬ̈͞ ͖s̸͔̳̦̬̓ͪ͐u͕̖̗̽f̣͍̝̗͙͓͓̆̐̿͊̓̔͟f̥̱̜̠͉̻͋̆͡ẹ̴̘̥͓͙͖͍̑̐̋̆ͩͬr̝̙͓̤̞̳͑͑ ͫͫ͆̇ͫi͖̫͙̟̚s̤͙̪̻̝̖̒̂̽ͤ ̭͇͓̹ͨ̃̉̅n̷͑͆͋̎̏̊̃ow̙̹̲
> 
> also not beta'd!!  
> if anyone wants to point out awkward spots or mistakes then point me the fool and call me a clown!  
> and help me  
> pls

Harry is an absolute glutton for Italian. Eggsy knows this well and fully intends to abuse this fact to score himself some brownie (pasta?) points. 

After he exited the tube and greeted the tailors farewell upon leaving the shop, he headed straight to the nearest grocery store with an eager grin and a skip in his step. Eggsy thanked his lucky stars that work at Kingsman pays a handsome salary because Harry would probably be able to notice the difference between fresh pasta from boxed, canned sauces from homemade, cheap cuts from expensive, so Eggsy endeavored to buy the most expensive ingredients for an equally expensive man.

With the front of his suit unfastened, the top button of his dress shirt unbuttoned as well, he looked like any other businessman that needed to fill up their pantry. Shopping cart in tow, he browsed up and down the aisles and tossed in different types of dried italian sheet pasta and canned whole tomatoes. 

“Canned tomatoes should be fine.. I just need to season it real good ?” Eggsy was in awe about how many different canned tomatoes there were so he took a variety and went on his merry way.

This went on for the entirety of the shopping trip- Why are there so many different types of basil leaves??

As he stood in the middle of the dairy section with a now-filled shopping cart at his side, he stared at the two packaged cheese in his hands with a perplexed expression on his face, “How the fuck do you decide which ricotta is the best ricotta...”

He picked the most expensive one just in case.

-

With both arms nearing maximum grocery capacity, which is undoubtedly forming creases into his dress shirt, he made a quick detour that should make all the difference when it came to Harry and his ‘refined’ palette.

“Excuse me, Sir?” Eggsy peered into the local winery which was only a short detour on the way home from where the grocer. “I was wondering if you could help me pair a wine for my dinner for a posh bloke at home-”

-

After one thicc scoop into his bank account and hurried speed walk later, Eggsy all but dropped the bags of ingredients onto the kitchen counter in Harry’s house. ‘ _ I stopped the end of the world yet I still feel absolutely knackered after carrying groceries _ ,’ he hissed at himself as he stretched out his arms which began to cramp from the grocery overload.

Step 1 to cooking is to be comfortable, so he stepped up to the guest room, which was arguably Eggsy’s room with how much he stayed over. He changed out of his sleek black pinstriped Kingsman suit, threw it haphazardly onto his bed, and stepped into a pair of grey sweatpants and a white shirt that was a size too large for him.

He can already hear Harry chastise him,  _ ‘If you like larger shirts, why don’t you just buy them a size up rather than steal mine? _ ’ 

“New shirts dont smell like you, bruv,” Eggsy muttered dreamily at the words he wished he’d be able to confess to Harry one day. He turned to look at himself through a body mirror that hung across from his bed, enjoying how Harry’s shirt hung off of him. Wearing Harry’s clothes made it feel like he belonged to Harry in a way, the thought filled him with a deeply warm and fuzzy feeling that was inexplainably heartwarming.

He raised his arms up and out to see just how big the shirt was, how the shoulders were a tad too wide and the length a bit too long- although it was a bit tight around his chest but that’s not quite terrible compared to the fact that it’s Harry’s shirt.

He bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen with a renewed vigor and a fully restored determination to make the best damn Lasagna he can. 

-

After wrestling with plastic packaging and an incredible amount of Google searches later, Eggsy has a dinner that he thinks Harry will be proud of. 

Eggsy referenced at least 5 different Lasagna recipes and 3 Youtube videos about how they should be constructed, how they should be topped off and baked. It’ll suffice to say that he tried his damndest to make the perfect Lasagna within his minimal 2 hour window.

He didn’t want to make things too fancy or out of character, Eggsy wanted to have a comfortable dinner and by god was he going to have one. 

By the time he heard the door open, Eggsy had a steaming dish of Lasagna resting on a dishtowel on the dining table with wine glasses filled halfway with Red Wine. It was a ‘2000 Chianti Classico Gran Selezione’ by recommendation of the man from the winery. The acidity of red wine was supposed to cut through the richness of the lasagna, or sumat.. Wine pairings were way over his head but Harry’s posh nature would definitely appreciate it.

By the time the door clicked shut, Eggsy was out of breath but at least he had the plates and utensils set up.

“And what do we have here?” Harry glanced towards the kitchen, looking incredulously at the steaming baking dish and at Eggsy who looked like he  _ belonged _ in his kitchen, in his home. The windows that ran across the dining room allowed in the soft glow of moonlight that paired with the gentle orange of the dimmed ceiling lights- it really was getting late in the day, wasn’t it? 

“The Chinese and Indian takeouts were taking a toll on you,” Eggsy teased as he bounded to Harry and helped him out of his suit jacket. “You don’t go on as many missions anymore and it’s showing,” Eggsy laughed as he neatly hung the jacket on the back of one of the many dining room chairs. 

“Cheeky boy,” Harry muttered under his breath yet unable to hide the smallest grin from creeping up through the corners of his lips. The way that the moonlight reflected in Harry’s eyes and highlighted the few greying hairs made him absolutely ethereal to Eggsy. Harry usually moved with such grace, his back perfectly straight but not stiff, strides long and purposeful, head held high as always.

Within the comfort of his own home, the changes were tiny but significant. His shoulders relax just slightly, his back isn’t quite so rigid as if prepared for a fight. The smile on his face is much fonder within the confines of his own house.

As Harry passed by him to reach the head of the table, Eggsy felt Harry’s large and warm hand ruffle through his hair, Harry’s version of silent praise. Looking up at Harry’s passing face, Eggsy was beaming with absolute delight with the rush of validity that gave his body a delectable shiver of satisfaction.

Eggsy knew for a fact that this was where he belongs, at Harry’s side. This is his home,  _ their home _ .

_ Our home. _

Eggsy realized that he was staring when Harry was seated and staring back at him, “I would assume that the second set is here because you’re going to join me?” Harry’s head made a slight tilt towards the second setting as he regarded Eggsy, his smile now wider and ever-present. 

“I’m not that much of a twat that I would let a poor old man like yourself eat alone,” Eggsy teased and quickly made his way over to his seat, ready to tuck in. At the comment, Harry reached over and gave a hard flick to Eggsy’s forehead, playful smiles resting easily on both of them. 

“So I went to the store looking for some cheese looking for some ricotta- Did you know there’s an arse ton of different types? But this old lady in the aisle started telling me about an illegal cheese ring, right?” Eggsy breaks off into a spiel about his day, Harry found it a nice way to get his mind off of work as he listened intently with a fond and affectionate smile that he can’t seem to suppress. It’s not like he wanted to anyways.

-

With the pair of them satisfyingly stuffed to the brim with Lasagna and a healthy amount of Red Wine, that Harry all but praised the choice and why it was a good choice, Eggsy decided that now would be the best time to let Harry know. The ambiance was just right and the comfortable ease between them was perfect.

With a deep breath to clear his nerves and mind, he started, “Hey, what do you think about soulmates?” He asked as nonchalantly as he could as he stood up to put their dishes away, depositing them into the sink as he ventured to the fridge to whip out the tub of ice cream. He placed the pint onto the dining table along with two hotpads, one for Harry and one for himself.

“Why do you ask?” Harry inquired, as he looked back to see Eggsy make his way back to the oven. As soon as the oven door opened, his appetite immediately restored upon smelling the blueberry crumble that came fresh from the oven. No matter what anyone says, Harry and Eggsy both have a separate stomach for desserts. 

“I was just wondering, since we’re Kingsman and all..” Eggsy was nervous now, feeling his heart in his throat as he gently set one dish in front of Harry on top of a cute light purple hot pad. 

Eggsy has never truly become vulnerable for someone and trusts them to have his back just as much as he did with Harry.. And he trusts Harry to have his back now.

_ This won’t be like Aunt Bailey, I know it. _

“Well, as per the nature of our job,” Harry started, not waiting for even a second before he dug into the cobbler, sorely regretting it as he tried to calmly  _ huff huff huff  _ through the piping hot blueberry filling. Eggsy chuckled at the sight and pushed the pint of vanilla ice cream towards Harry who gratefully scooped a large chunk and ate it to sooth his now-burnt tongue. 

“As I was saying, magnificent cobbler by the way, Soulmates are weaknesses, are they not?” Harry didn’t notice Eggsy’s easygoing face fall rigid. Harry’s simple and conversational tone didn’t do much to soothe Eggsy’s worries, “The bonds are damningly strong, it wouldn’t be difficult for one of a stronger power to find our soulmates and use them to their advantage.” Harry spoke easily between bites, as if he thought about this specific topic for a long while, that it didn’t hurt him to denote someone who was born to be his half.

Eggsy anxiously picked at his own dish, his appetite turning sickly within a millisecond. Harry’s comment was a backhand to his heart- “So if you were to meet your Soulmate..?” There was still hope there and prayed that Harry felt it too, and Eggsy never prayed.

_ I trust Harry to have my back through thick and thin. _

Harry regarded his almost-empty dish for a second as he rolled the spoon between his fingers as he mulled over Eggsy’s question. He answered with an indifferent shrug, “I would turn the other away, I suppose. They’ll only know I’m their soulmate if I acknowledge it, it’s a simple fact to deny. The last thing I need is someone weighing me down. An unnecessary vulnerability, if you will.”

_ The last thing he needs is a soulmate. _

_ Ah, I’m stupid for thinking anythin’ else, huh?  _

The pain that filled Eggsy wasn’t like a sudden fracture inside his chest. Actually, it wasn’t quite sudden at all. There was a chill deep within him, an approaching blizzard. It was a cold and isolating realization that slowly set in. In that moment, his ears felt as if they were filled with cotton, the tips of his fingers turned cold to the point of turning blue, his chest constricted . Eggsy could tell you how he felt each and every crack within his heart, how each sharp fragment of his heart started to cut him. 

It wasn’t the words that made a heavy and harrowing feeling curl in his gut, funny isn’t it? The words were harsh but worse than that, it was how Harry said it. There was no hesitation, no taste of regret. Harry was painfully serious and seemingly comfortable with it, and that gripped Eggsy’s heart like a vice of live barbed wire.

_ But they’re soul mates, they’re supposed to be made for each other? _

“You’re right, I guess that makes sense..” Eggsy sounded as small as he felt, his jaw tensed as he tried to ignore the pain blooming in his chest. His eyes wandered down to his untouched dessert. It was cold by now, it’d be best to save it and reheat for later...

Eggsy’s sudden shift in demeanor caused Harry to look up at him, he leaned forward to get a better view of Eggsy’s downcast face, “Are you alright?” Harry reached over to rest his hand on top of Eggsy’s as he usually does to garner the boys’ attention. The last thing he expected was for Eggsy to snatch his hand away as if licked by a flame.

“I-..” Eggsy’s thoughts rendered him useless as he helplessly tried to pick up the pieces of himself and get a grip on himself before the night was deemed an utter failure. The hand he snatched back was cradled in the other, held close to his chest, “I forgot I’m watching Daisy tonight..” He stood up quickly and politely pushed his chair towards the table to get to the kitchen. He looked up at Harry and gave him one of his signature dopey smiles, as fake as it may be, “I’ll do the dishes and be out of your hair, yeah?” 

Eggsy can only hold onto these shards of grief and shame for so long before it’s cutting too deep. “You should head up and get comfortable in your own home, yeah?” He forced out, his hands busy with cleaning the dishes, “I’ll see you tomorrow, sorry about the abrupt leave.” Eggsy did his best to keep his voice light, trying to become the image of a ‘perfectly-okay-Eggsy’ who simply forgot that he was on babysitting duty.

Harry regarded him with a puzzled look before standing up to stand beside Eggsy with a dishtowel in hand, “Well I certainly don’t want to hold you for too long, I’ll help dry since you’ve been an absolute darling with dinner.” 

Harry is either surprisingly oblivious for a spy or he’s gently rejecting Eggsy in the most polite and indirect way he can.

What followed was absolute silence, the two working seamlessly with dishes as they always do. The domesticity was constricting, it was an agonizing burn within Eggsy’s chest. This moment is a snapshot of a future that Eggsy can only dream about.

He has to get out. 

As he finished the last of the dishes, he hastily wiped his hands onto his trainers, much to Harry’s disdain, and essentially ran out the door with a hasty farewell. He willed himself not to let the pieces fall until he was in the comfort of his own home. He looked back at Harry’s house, the epitome of comfort and cozy, his version of home and safety, and found absolutely nothing but cold indifference staring back at him.

He was playing house in a place that’ll never be his.

_ Our home. _

-

“You never told me how your confession went,” Roxy brought up as they were lounging once more in their pajamas, both sprawled out on either side of her couch and facing the TV that was playing a loop of RomComs. 

She conveniently missed Eggsy’s wince and grimace at the mention of it, “Nothing happened, chickened out last second.” It’s been over 2 weeks since the dinner and nothing between him and Harry has changed. Eggsy’s thankful that the dinner hasn’t changed anything, their friendship spared. 

But it didn’t stop the ache in his chest or the cough he seemed to have developed.

“Ah, Cassanova extraordinaire has finally met his match?” She chuckled and looked up at Eggsy with a teasing glint in her eye. Her mirth dissolved when Eggsy went into a coughing fit as he doubled-over and nearly rolled off the couch. 

“Shit- The rocky road is trynna kill me, Rox.” Eggsy chuckled, noticing the worried look on his best friend’s face as he gave one last clearing cough into his hand. 

“Maybe it’s your body trying to tell you that you want to swallow something else-” Roxy snickered, still worried but if Eggsy is cracking jokes, it mustn’t be too bad.

_ Fwhoomp _

“Oi!” Eggsy barked out a laugh as he hurled the throw pillow right into Roxy’s face. “Watch your language, no proper lady should speak like that!”

“Oh, bite me Eggsy, you’re the last one to lecture me about being proper.” She chuckled and directed her attention back to her own pint of ice cream and their rom-com.

With her attention diverted, Eggsy glanced into his hand that was clutched to his chest during their friendly spat.

A single flower petal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any feedback is appreciated ;;  
> bless u guys for reading this trainwreck of mine !


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Merry Chrisis, friends

_ 1 month after The Dinner _

“This round’s on Eggsy!” Jamal cheered, holding up a pint high up with Ryan yelling with the same drunken cheer. Their intoxicated roar blended in with the crowded faction of the pub. It was a weeknight but it didn’t stop the hoards of people from having a good time.

“Thanks, bruv!” Ryan immediately sided with Jamal and Eggsy could only sigh dramatically, the grin on his face ever-present.

“Yeah alright,” Eggsy snorted and slapped a tenner onto the table, throwing down an empty pint glass on top of it. “But after this, ye both hear me?” It was always a nice distraction to hang out with his best buds, they’ve been there for him since the beginning of time. 

In their drunken stupor, they failed to notice how Eggsy’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, how the edges of his eyes didn’t crinkle like they normally would. They didn’t notice how tired he actually looked, their priorities laid in their frosted beer mugs.

Eggsy hasn’t told anyone how he’s fraying at the edges,  _ I’ll be fine, I just need some time to cope and it’ll go away _ .

He became very familiar with the act of putting on a brave face, or a mask, if you will. There’s no need to worry the people around him. He’ll figure things out and he’ll be good as new, like nothing ever happened.

As of this very moment, alas, he felt another coughing fit coming on. Eggsy, in his panic, grabbed another full pint of beer on the table and downed half in one go, hoping to push the choking feeling away and delay it. He felt fine for a second, relieved for a brief moment before the suffocating feeling came right back with full force. Not wanting to spew drunken flower petals all over his friends, he scrambled out of the booth and ran straight into the dank bathroom of the pub and started dry heaving into the toilet. 

His eyes stung and the rank smell of the bathroom didn’t help much either. With his arm resting on the side of the nasty toilet seat, he rested his head atop his arm and let his body do what it had to do to get the sick out of his system. With each weak cough came a fluttering petal, he even felt tiny sharp barbs scratching against his esophagus which Eggsy could only believe to be thorns. 

“Aye bruv, ya good?” Eggsy heard a gentle rapping at the door and he suddenly didn’t want to have a full-fledged outing with his friends anymore.

With a quick flush and sourly watching the dastardly petals swirl down the drain, he opened the door and made a show of wiping his face as if he threw up, “Drank too much- I think I’m throwin’ in the towel for the night, boys.” He said apologetically, finding comfort in Jamal’s arm that was thrown across his shoulders.

“You’re turnin’ into a lightweight, bruv,” Ryan joked and pinched Eggsy’s cheek, “Get on home, I don’t want your mom to kill me and Ryan here if you don’t make it back.”

_ Home? _

-

Many nights, Eggsy found himself alone. Nothing to distract him from himself. Nights like these are unbearable.

More often than not, Eggsy resorted to sleep in the bathroom, his body constantly angry and unforgiving as it continuously tore at his lungs and throat. The burn in his throat and mouth is almost as bad as the feeling of dread and  _ empty _ in his chest.

Because of his nearly-lethal coughing fits, he started residing in his own Kingsman-issued flat that he had right as he was taken on as a Kingsman agent. The flat was still stiff and brand new because he never stayed there, he usually drifted between Harry’s house and his mom’s, but never this one. He never really had to hide something before.

So for weeks- not weeks at this point, but for months on end, Eggsy found himself in an unfamiliar flat with the cold marbled bathroom floor acting as his third home. The sickening sounds of dry-heaving and desperate sobbing were kept to himself.

No one needed to know, he’d figure it out just like he always did.

-

_ 3 months after dinner _

Eggsy has it all under control.

He’s pretty sure he does.

That’s how he finds himself in Harry’s flat once again after a mission left him with his ankle bruised to the size of a tennis ball. 

“Mr. Pickle missed you,” Harry joked, his arm wrapped snugly around Eggsy’s waist as he helped the boy to his couch.

“Just Mr. Pickle?” Eggsy teased back, hoping to get past this self-imposed wall of awkwardness that he built for himself. The quicker he got to falling back in the normal routine, the quicker he gets better, right?

“I thought that was a-given,” Harry responded cooly, gently guiding Eggsy onto the couch and resting himself on the other end with the boy’s feet in his lap. “It’s far too quiet in this house without you yelling bloody murder ever half hour.” He chuckled, his hands falling to Eggsy’s calf and massaging gently as if it were second nature to care for the boy.

Eggsy found himself humming in peace, burrowing his body into the familiar couch and inhaling the homey essence that is truly and uniquely Harry. “I missed you too,” Eggsy whispered, half hoping that Harry did hear and half hoping that it was too quiet for him to pick up.

“Ah-” Harry perked up, “Let me put the kettle on.” He said as he slid away from Eggsy’s legs, careful not to jostle the injury as he got up to head to the kitchen. 

As soon as Harry left the room, it was like an invisible tether inside of Eggsy snaps and he started to cough up a storm. His body jerked up and he was coughing into his lap, his face covered by the inside of his elbow

Harry was immediately at his side, the kettle forgotten in the sink where it was being filled, “My... Are you okay?” He asked with worry etched into his face as he kneeled beside Eggsy, a comforting hand on Eggsy’s back as he gently patted to help loosen anything that could have been lodged in his throat.

The hand pressed so firmly on his back is like a balm of soothing warmth and the cough subsides. “Yeah no- I’m good, something just got caught in my throat,” Eggsy was startled at how quickly his body forgave him with Harry by his side. 

-

_ 3 (½ ?) months after the dinner _

With his ankle fully healed and his body itching for any stress relief, he found Merlin who already had a simple minimal-stress mission (much to Eggsy’s chagrin) lined up for him.

“There’s a house party up in Kensington,” Merlin read off as he handed a manila folder to Eggsy who eagerly opened it to sift through the files, “See if you can plant a chip on her person. Her name is Olivia Hutch, she runs the docks for all illegal items, coming and going. Apparently, she’s meeting with some important people tomorrow night and she’d be a great source of information.”

“Piece of cake, guv, you got it.” Eggsy winked at Merlin who only responded with an exasperated sigh and a roll of his eyes. 

“Keep careful, you hear me? She’s powerful and never without protection.” Merlin warned but Eggsy was already walking out, throwing up his peace sign in easy bravado.

-

“Merlin?? This isn’t a piece of cake you’ve led me to believe it is!” Eggsy yelled as he hit the gas, zooming and drifting along the busied highways that curled throughout London.

Honestly, the night went great up until this point. He cleaned himself up well with no speck out of place. He came geared with his posh accent and politely tasteful flirting with Olivia, and planted a miniscule bug onto the open-backing of her dress when he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

And suddenly, he found himself in a wild goose/car chase.

This was the first time in a long time where Eggsy completely forgot about the sore in his lungs and cold bathroom feels. He felt the adrenaline pump through his veins as he handled his Audi with ease, the thrum of the engines purring through the steering wheel under his hands.

“You told that to yourself,” Merlin groaned, half as stressed as Eggsy is, but that’s still quite up there in the stress-levels. “You’re surrounded on all sides, Galahad, Lancelot’s ETA is 30. Please try to stay alive until then.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Eggsy muttered, hands firm on the steering wheel as he bob and weaved through the crowded streets. 

“Ah fuck all-” No less than a second later, a car cuts him off resulting in him getting flung through the windshield and onto the street. He groans and tries to get up on all fours, his head disoriented from his short flight. 

As soon as his vision cleared somewhat and vaguely heard Merlin yelling in his ear through the glasses, He felt a sharp sting in the back of his neck and a thick bag fitted over his head.

\---

When Eggsy came to, he was groggy, in a daze. He noticed that the comforting weight of his glasses were amiss. Hopefully they weren’t broken so Merlin would be able to find him and bust him out of here ASAP.

“The spy bambino has finally woken up,” A female voice resonated around the dark and musty room, her Italian accent thick and memorable, “Nice of you to join us,” She purred, the tips of her fingers lightly brushing over the back of Eggsy’s neck.

Eggsy immediately jolted away at the foreign voice and the brush against his neck. He found his hands tied behind the chair he was seated on, legs tied down at the ankle as well. He still remembered Merlin’s promise of evacuation through the means of Lancelot and that was his saving grace. With the number of men he can hear outside the door AND the two that were stationed inside the room on either side of him, it’ll be a tad difficult to make it out on his own.

“I apologize but I have no clue what you could be referring to, ma’am,” Eggsy said, trying to muster up the most charming smile he could through the foggy haze of drugs that his body was still trying to clear up.

“Such a cute one too,” She cooed as she continued to circle Eggsy, her hand roaming and curious. It combed through his hair, brushed along his cheek, his jaw. “I’m tempted to keep you, turn you into one of mine, hmm? My docks could sure use a runner as slippery and charming as you.”

“I’m taken, I’m afraid,” He chuckled, trying to keep the situation from veering into anything too serious and threatening, “But be rest assured that I’m flattered.” Eggsy’s posh accent was wavering, the weak grip on his consciousness seeping through. 

“Taken by who?” The edges of her lips curled up like a predator stalking its prey. She leaned forward to grip Eggsy’s face between her thumb and forefinger. “Is it a boss you’re afraid of?”

Eggsy keeps strong eye contact, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of total submission.

“Maybe not a boss,” Olivia’s eyes scanned the entirety of Eggsy’s face and it took a while to notice under the dim lights of the dark room- “Ah, it’s someone you love? Maybe it  _ is  _ your boss-”

The immediate flinch that wracked through his body from her words didn’t go unnoticed. 

Olivia gasped with faux childlike surprise, “Right on the nail, it seems.” The predatory glint in her gaze sharpening at her prey’s unveiled weakness. “Oh, little foolish bambino, you’re already on your own train towards death. Is this why you act so recklessly?” Her voice conveyed a sense of false sympathy as she cooed at him, “Infiltrating the dinner party within  _ my own apartment _ ?”

All Eggsy could do was glare at her and say nothing. If he learned anything from past experiences, it’s better to give the enemy nothing than something to work with.  _ Don’t give them a reason to hurt you, lad _ , Eggsy could hear Merlin remind him.

“Open your mouth,” Olivia ordered easily as she pulled back and crossed her arms as she looked down at Eggsy.

Eggsy gave her an incredulous look and didn’t budge, he raised one eyebrow up in question.

She faked an exasperated sigh when Eggsy obviously wouldn’t listen so she snapped her fingers at one of her men and lazily gestured her pointer finger to Eggsy. Listening like the blind and loyal dog he is, the guard came quickly with his hands grabbed at Eggsy’s hair with one hand and his jaw with the other as he wrenched Eggsy’s mouth open. 

Eggsy felt the foreign tips of Olivia’s fingers trail along the inside of his cheek and the pad of his tongue, it took everything in his power not to gag. It was bad enough with her petting him like a dog, now her fingers were in his mouth. He strained against his bonds and tried to clamp his teeth down.

“You have many scars,” Olivia purred with a satisfied hum, ignoring the obvious fight Eggsy was putting up. She pulled her hand back and wiped her fingers onto the sleeve of her goon. With a nod to her thug, he let go of Eggsy.

As soon as he regained control over his mouth, he spat at Olivia’s black stilletos. In reaction, her face scrunched up with disgust but her features immediately smoothed back out. There was no way in hell she was going to easily give up the upper-hand just because of a little bit of saliva.

“I wonder who it might be, is it a lady you fancy?” She moved on and analyzed Eggsy’s face with a cold and critical stare, arms crossed over her chest, “Or a man, perhaps?” Eggsy wasn’t aware of his own movements at that particular second, but apparently, he reacted in some minute way if the woman’s psychotic grin had anything to say about it.

“You don’t know anything,” Eggsy seethed straining at the metallic wiring that bound his wrists behind the chair. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, but the increased stress didn’t help the familiar throbbing deep within his chest and lungs with Olivia’s constant reminder of a certain someone.

“What’s the story? He found someone better?” She faked a pout as she leaned forward. Her hands resting atop both of his legs as she closed the distance between them with her eyes boring into his, “Were you not enough? Not good enough for him?” If she didn’t feel it before, she definitely felt the tremble that wracked through Eggsy’s body at each verbal strike. 

He had plenty of training when it came to getting interrogated and how to survive the longest he possibly could. The trembling was involuntary, Eggsy couldn’t help it. Much like how he can’t stop the cough that was clawing at his throat. His wrists wrenched against his restraints, feeling the metal cut deeper into his skin as he felt the warm drops of blood trickle down his hand. 

Each unrepressed cough set free a stream of white and curled petals along with yellows. Eggsy was left to try and steady his breathing, the unbearable ache in his chest being the result of his worsening condition.

The woman barked at him as his own body tried to suffocate him, “He took one look and found you worthless, didn’t he?” She hummed as she caught a petal that fluttered out, pinching it between her fingers before flicking it aside. “Lilies for death and daffodils for unequalled love. How fitting.”

“Let me guess,” She hummed, tilting her head in thought, “You gave him your heart and he found it not worth keeping.” Her Cheshire grin was only widening as Eggsy’s cough worsened, spitting out more and more petals that are now freckled with blood. 

The corners of his eyes were tearing up, whether from the lack of air or how the woman’s words rang true, he doesn’t know. 

There’s one thing he knows for sure:

If this keeps on, Eggsy’s going to die in this dank room.

“You don’t know  _ anything! _ ” Eggsy gritted between clenched teeth, trying to suppress his full-bodied coughs and gasps. His eyes were glassy and it didn’t take much for them to spill over the edge with hot tears. As his mouth filled up with petals, he chewed them up into a big wad of spit and spat it right into her face, resulting in a stinging slap to his cheek.

“I know that he doesn’t love you back if your little  _ disease _ has anything to say.”

“He doesn’t need you like you need him, does he?”

“There are millions of people out there better than  _ you.” _

_ “Worthless.” _

_ “ _ He will  _ never _ love you back _.” _

Each disgusted and heart-wrenching phrase was whispered into his ear, the strong front he tried to pull up crumbled to pieces beneath him and into the flowers. He limply hung forward with his head hung down, with no care for the metal that continued to dig into his wrists.

“It will never be you.”

_ It will never be me. _

Suddenly, the door barged open, one of her goons out of breath and wide-eyed, “Someone’s coming for him-”

Before he could finish his sentence, he grunted and hit the floor and thus revealed a very angry Roxy in full Kingsman attire, only slightly out of breath. With a quick  _ thwip _ of her wrist, she shot out three knock-out darts from her watch at Olivia and the two bodyguards with her. 

Eggsy weakly looked up, not bothered enough to hide his messy tear-stained face. No doubt his face was puffy and red, the textbook definition of heartbreak.

Roxy gave him a sad look as she went behind Eggsy to a table that he had to crane his neck to see. On the table sat his glasses that faced directly towards the chair.

“Luckily she didn’t turn off the transmission, that’s how we were able to track you..” Roxy said solemnly as she pocketed the glasses and finally cut Eggsy free of his restraints. 

Eggsy couldn’t find it in himself to say anything, his throat utterly raw and still most-likely bleeding. He took stock of the room he was held in and the numerous bloody and wilted petals that littered the floor.

“Let's get you back to HQ and have your wrists looked at,” She wrapped her arms around a shaking Eggsy,  _ when did I start shaking? _ “I’m so sorry, Eggsy,” she said softly, hugging the broken boy whose arms stayed limp at his sides.

And just like that, the mission is over and so was Eggsy’s perfectly crafted lie of being okay.

_ He doesn’t need you like you need him. _

_ He will never love me back. _

_ It will never be me. _

_ It will never be me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this complete trainwreck is still unbeta'd!  
> IM GONNA KEEP REWRITING THIS TRAINWRECK UNTIL IT CAN MAKE ME CRY

**Author's Note:**

> this shit didn't make me cry when i wrote it so i wrote it wrong  
> I'M COMIN BACK FOR THIS  
> IMMA DIG DEEP AND REWRITE THIS AFTER I THROW UP THE REST OF THIS DAMNED FIC


End file.
